Jon and I had a little discussion yesterday that finally made me realize all the little compromises two people have to make when they're from different countries. Especially when they're raising children. This will sound really weird, but while we were eating dinner yesterday, we realized that we use two different sets of table manners. My parents taught us excellent table manners (it's not their fault we didn't always use them!) according to the British/European style, or "continental" style as Jon informed me it was called. Jon's parents were equally diligent in teaching him the American style. So, which hand will our children hold their fork in? Which side of the plate does the napkin go on and how is it folded? Where does the glass go in relation to the plate? Do we use a spoon to roll our spaghetti or just cut it in pieces? Whose system do we use? Jon made the point that most American kids will look at our kids funny if they use the "continental" style; I made the counterpoint that most American kids will look at our kids funny if they use table manners period. (No offense intended). Table manners are not really a big issue. In the end, we decided to use our respective systems and let our kids choose.
However, the table manner question raised a number of other questions in my mind concerning our children. I love my country, and Jon loves his. Will our kids choose to speak French or Spanish if they learn a second language? Will they phone someone, or call them? What if one of my boys decides to fight in the military? Can I accept potentially losing a son for a country that is not my own? Can I enroll my kids in an educational system I don't believe in? I'm sure that I can when it comes right down to it, so I guess my question becomes whether or not I should just let my kids be Americans or whether I should fight to preserve elements of my own heritage and the country and culture I love.
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3 comments:
Steph, in some ways I think you really have the advantage. You will be home with your kids, and honestly have the greatest influence over their early development. You can put whatever you want into those fuzzy little towheads! The reality is, though, they will be American citizens, so they will be exposed to American education, politics, war, etc. You can't really avoid that unless you move back to Canada... It could be worse, though - at least you're not like our friends, one from Finland and the other from Kansas. They have a language barrier as well as all sorts of cultural divisions. Right now they're trying to come up with a Finnish American name for their baby... not easy. Your kids will probably be more Americanized than you would like, but at least you can temper that with an outside standpoint. And hey, we don't all turn out too badly! I admit, knowing Jon doesn't give much hope, but at least they'll have a stellar aunt and uncle.
Fight to preserve Stephanie! It is good to be proud of your country and your heritage and there is no reason your children should not learn to grow and love both Canada and the USA.
I agree with Sharalee.
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